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sky's on fire again

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everyone else was doing it... [18 Jun 2003|11:37pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Magic Number14
JobMost Hated Person - Ever
TemperamentBest Not To Ask
Likely To WinA Free Coke
Me - In A WordUnique
Brought to you by MemeJack

1 Twirl|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

aimless rant [17 Jun 2003|12:22am]
[ mood | envious ]

i dunno why people be hatin on 2 fast 2 furious. i thought it was reeeeeeeeally good, except for a teensy amount of really far-fetched scenes. it just made me obsessed with street racing (and paul walker) all over again. but, not like i can do anything with either of those.
i hate boys! they are so confusing. why me? why does everything in my life that involves the opposite sex have to be so complicated?? can't i just be normal?? can't they?!??!!?
i'm already getting too into the bar scene...i didn't go with stephanie tonight and i wish i would have. damn, this could turn into a bad thing...

Spin Around Me Like a Dream

falling stars...11:11... [15 Jun 2003|01:23am]
why don't my wishes come true??????
1 Twirl|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

[11 Jun 2003|07:48pm]
sitting inside, the cool air causes goosebumps to raise on my arms, while outside it is thick and damp. the black clouds are moving in and the silence is a little too calm. due to the incessant warnings from every news channel, we curiously await the coming storms. my mother sits across the room tinkering with her new cell phone, never to understand the ways of technology that only our youthful generation can grasp. my father is upstairs, purely indulged in john wayne westerns, getting comfortable on the couch, only to fall asleep there in an hour. i sit, staring dully at the screen, participating half-assed in a conversation with a boy who appreciates me way more than i appreciate him. i feel blank today, empty, unfeeling. i took a two hour nap and cried. it's like i need something to make me feel. i want a new puppy more than i'd ever think i'd want something. it's a yearning. for a damn dog. i'm the one who fucked up, and went to the humane society only to get attached to a creature i will never be able to call my own. a 2 month old doberman mix named michelle, caught my eye amidst the selection of frightened, neglected, beautiful animals who reside there for the time-being. she looked at me and almost smiled. she has a bit of a cold and kept sneezing, i went and played with her in the room and she made me feel alive. she tugged at my pant leg, licked my face, and eagerly jumped in my lap. things haven't been the same without shelby, i don't know how my parents can say they're still mourning her death, when this empty house reeks of loneliness and loss. how is it so that a new, loving companion wouldn't show them a new, and different kind of compassion than she did. how can we have such a loving home and not give, if only one small life, a chance at experiencing happiness and attention and comfort. why is it that i feel so hollow inside because we can't get her? i'm acting like a child about it. but
i feel like a child. naive, unsure, curious, unexperienced. ready to learn about people and the world, but scared nonetheless. i'm finally ready for something i didn't think i'd be ready for. it's when i look in his eyes. that's when i see it. i see what i've always wanted to see but never thought i would. it's him who makes me feel alive, not just an animal, but him. another life i wish involved me, but probably never will. i want to know what he thinks when he looks at me that way, what he means when he says what he does.
i want to find out, but i don't know how.
2 Twirls|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

random and pointless...i know [07 Jun 2003|11:29pm]
i had a great birthday, thank you all for being so sweet!! i got some great gifts and i got to spend the day shopping in chicago today with my good friends. the only real privilege to being 19 is the capability of getting into bars...and that's good enough for me! can't wait to go, but i was wayyyyyyyyy to exhausted to go out tonight.
me and my girl jen met tdren the other day. it was fun, he's a cool guy! :) we'll prolly hang out some again.
but what else....nothin really.
i'm falling asleep in my chair right now. so more later.
2 Twirls|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

[06 Jun 2003|03:43pm]
i stoled it from edtheripper

longCollapse )
6 Twirls|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

finally.... [04 Jun 2003|12:11pm]
i would just like to note that i am now officially a psychology major, with a minor in criminal justice. :) :)
took me long enough...
2 Twirls|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

this is what my boredom has resorted to.... [03 Jun 2003|11:24pm]
i know i know!! but when you're coming home at 10:30 at night because you have nothing to do and spend your nights walking around wal-mart and meijer with your friends, these kind of things become exciting, ok?

*taken from eggshellsanity

1. What time is it? 11:27
2. Name: Amy
3. Favorite Color? Red
4. If you could have any car/truck what would it be? Dodge Viper
5. Number of candles on your last birthday cake: 18 and it will be 19 friday!! (can you tell i'm excited? it's the boredom again)
6. Birthday: june 6, 1984
7. Number of Pets you have: one
8. Hair Color: brown, red highlights
9. Piercing: 12 in ears, tongue, belly button
10. Eye color: sometimes brown, sometimes green, sometimes in between
11. How much do you love your job? its not too bad, kinda tedious, but this really cute guy always walks by, so that makes it more interesting.
12. Hometown: Urbana, Illinois
13. Current Residence: Same
14. Favorite Food(s): Pasta
16. Been toilet papered? No
17. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Yes
17a. Loved SOMETHING so much it made you cry? i don't really get it
18. Been in a car accident? No
19. Croutons or bacon bits? croutons
20. Favorite Day of the Week? Friday
21. Favorite word or phrase: wodie, ew, i'll holla, hit me back, all that lame shit
22. Favorite Restaurant: MARGARITAS!!!
23. Favorite Flowers: *shrugs*
24. Favorite Drink: jungle juice
25. Favorite sport(s) to watch: college basketball
26. Favorite ice cream: peanut butter and chocolate
28. Favorite Fast Food Restaurant? arby's
29. What Color is Your Bedroom? beige
30. How many times did you fail your drivers test? none, i would hope, jeez.
31. Before this one, whom did you get your last e-mail from? my mom, and this isn't an e-mail
32. What do you do most often when you are bored? hahahah thats funny. this, obviously
33. Most annoying thing people ask me? why didn't you go to the u of i?
34. Bedtime: 2-ish
35.Favorite TV show(s): CSI, gilmore girls, friends, dr. phil, animal precinct
36. Last person you went out to dinner with? jenn
37. Any tattoos? one, and getting another this summer
38. What time is it now? 11:49
1 Twirl|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

not again!??! [02 Jun 2003|03:55pm]
man, i'm a doof. i got my haircut again. except this time it's a lot cooler, and red highlights too. a LOT of money, but well worth it. i highly recommend timothy john's in fact. Annie to be more particular. she was amazing!!
wanna see???

(i know you do)
13 Twirls|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

i feel so far away... [01 Jun 2003|11:27pm]
[ mood | blank ]

i'm burnt out. i'm lost. lately my brain my thoughts my mind my life has been focused around this losing weight business. its all i think about. its consuming me. i run i walk i rollerblade i take an exercise class. i'm trying to eat better. i've definitely improved from the school year, but i haven't improved enough. the 20 pounds needs to go. i can't live with this unconfidence anymore. i hate looking at myself, i hate that nothing fits. i hate feeling the way i do. it beats at my mind but i'm so impatient. i expect to lose all the fat by tomorrow. i just want to look in the mirror and see something i can accept. i want to grow to love myself and this is the only way. but food is a form of the devil. the temptation, the taste, the cravings, the fat grams. its so hard to say no. to look at it and smell it and know that i am one of those people that can NEVER eat that kind of food. EVER. i do not have the metabolism, i do not have the genes. i do not have the body. its not fair. its the hardest thing i've ever had to do and i've only just started. i hope i can do this. that's not that attitude i need to be going in with. i need to say i KNOW i can do this. this time it WILL be sucessful. but i just don't know. i have my doubts.
i dunno, this summer just needs to be all about amy working her ass off (literally). it needs to become my life for awhile. and once this goal is accomplished i hope it's a lifestyle i can stick to. i don't want to gain all the weight back but it's SO easy to do and it happens so often. here i go being pessimistic again. i need to listen to my mom when she says to take everything one day at a time and not worry about the future right now. too bad i can't do that.
but whatever. all i do is go to work and come home and wait for someone to call me to hang out. then i go hang out with them for like an hour and then come back home and sit. i sit. and sit. i stare at the tv screen or computer screen. why oh why do i always get so excited about summer when this is all i ever do?? everytime i think that every moment will be full of excitement and it just doesn't work that way. not in this town. not with me.
so basically i'm bored and feelin ugly and lonely and wanting someone to hold me and like me and give me some affection. yeah. nothin goin on with the boys lately. i'm kinda waitin around to see what happens with one in particular. not holdin my breath on that one. why can't someone just come along and take me away? that would be great.

oh, i need more friends on here, i have like none. how do i go about doing that? annnnd....my birthday's friday. 19.

9 Twirls|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

[19 May 2003|11:01pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

dang...in the summertime everyone always falls off from livejournal and AIM, except for me because i'm a BIG LOSER. so i'll just keep typin away at my entries and staring at my buddy list waiting for a little door with the yellow man to pop up.
so sometime this summer me and lindsey are going to indiana to get tattoos. she's getting the chinese symbol for "tranquil" on her hipbone and i want this in this exact spot...
iwant iwant iwant
however, allison did find it first (if you're reading al) and plus i gotta lose some maaaajor lovehandles. so we'll see what happens. man, i gotta call allison and melanie. what is up with me not keepin in touch?!?! that's weird, cause i love them and miss them SO MUCH!!!

so i started at the library today. lemme tell ya, fun stuff. actually it won't be too bad. i can wear whatever i want and i only work three hours a day, plus they're all really lenient and its not like its a "i have to be social" job. i avoid those at all costs. but i just put stickers on books and type stuff into the computer. yeah.
oh yeah, my birthday's in about three weeks. i'll be able to get into the campus bars. woohoo!!! get me somethin cool ;)
that's all.

Spin Around Me Like a Dream

this is really lame but.... [15 May 2003|12:19am]
i am SO happy with how Dawson's Creek ended!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it might be pathetic, but hey, i've been a loyal fan, and i was actually really worried it would end bad (no seriously, i was). but alas!!! it was a good way to wrap it up. and, i am a little verclemped about it, but i'll live.
3 Twirls|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

[13 May 2003|10:36am]

no one really seems to notice.
it was 3 and a half inches...
1 Twirl|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

what's on my mind tonight... [13 May 2003|01:14am]
you don't wanna be here in the future
so you say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past
and you don't wanna look much closer
cause your afraid to find out all this hope
you had sent into the sky by now had crashed
and it did

because of me
Spin Around Me Like a Dream

i hope you had the time of your life [09 May 2003|08:48am]

my last day in this dorm room....EVER!!!
Spin Around Me Like a Dream

[09 May 2003|01:47am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

didn't happen.
surprise, surprise.

Spin Around Me Like a Dream

[07 May 2003|10:52pm]
[ mood | complete ]

i don't know what to say. i don't know where to begin. i could probably write a page on every single day of my freshman year of college.
it's been amazing. horrible. scary. exciting. new. hard. easy. insane. a blast.
i look back on move-in day like it was yesterday. i cannot even fathom how much i've changed since that day. i can remember my emotions and the feelings brewing inside me precisely. it's like i've gone from a kid to an adult in a matter of two semesters. i've grown up. i've matured. i've accepted myself (not completely, but so much more than i used to). i've done things i didn't think i would be able to do for a couple more years. i've gone out and experienced just a small part of the world, but i've done it. something i can say i hadn't done before this year. i've been alone. alone with myself a lot and i haven't been scared. i've shown people who i really am and they've liked it.
i've made so many friends. friends for life. i've gone out so much. i remember in high school i would seriously dwell on the fact that i never went to any parties for months. i hated the fact that i wasn't social. well that's changed. me and jen have gone out and met so many awesome people (this past weekend was the perfect example), people who we will hopefully get to chill a lot with in the future. i can't believe it. i can't believe its done. friday at like 11, my parents will be disassembling this computer that i have pretty much never been offline from (!), i will be packing up all my clothes, putting away all the pictures that display new memories. and i will be going back to my old ways for a while. they will be my old ways but i will be a new person so i don't know if that will make them different. i will be running into high school people that i hated, people i will be trying to avoid. i will have to be fake and do the whole "act like you want to catch up but don't really care" routine. i will miss allison and melanie and sitting around with jen and being able to walk in my room drunk and bring boys back and yell and dance and act crazy. i will even miss this dorm. this old dirty smelly dorm. i will miss hearing girls gossip in the hallways every day and i will miss hearing the chipper "hey ames!" coming from them in the morning. its weird to think i'll be leaving something so commonplace and going back to something so commonplace. and i will be starting all over again next year and it will be completely different than this one. and it will be just as scary and i will grow and learn even more.
i'm almost afraid i won't be able to keep in touch with everyone this summer. like i'll want to but it just won't happen. and then everything will be distant next year. i hope that doesn't happen. i hope that tomorrow night, our last night here with everyone together, will wrap this whole experience up into a little package so i can keep it in my pocket. i hope we will all laugh and smile so much. i hope we'll get to see dan and malloy cause they are just the coolest. and i think i would be too sad at the thought of missing my chance with a potential soulmate. i didn't think too much about it until me and jen talked about how perfect me and him would look together. i don't really know the guy at all. thats why tomorrow night needs to work. (yeah, it might sound weird, but you weren't there!!!!)
a perfect ending would be great.
either way. its been incredible. i'm so grateful and i feel so blessed that i have this life. that all these people came into it. i'm glad i made the decisions i did and took this path. i don't want to think about where i could be right now.

Thank You.
it means so much.

Spin Around Me Like a Dream

[03 May 2003|08:12pm]
Gettin our drank on
Spin Around Me Like a Dream

[30 Apr 2003|06:16pm]
we are studs
2 Twirls|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

start over...that's no way to begin [29 Apr 2003|11:13pm]
[ mood | frazzled ]

so....i don't get to work at christie this summer. they're cutting back on employees and since i was only part-time anyway....yeah...i almost cried. first of all i was really obsessed with working there, i loved it, i made friends, and it was comfortable. i knew what i was doing. shit.
so now it looks like i'll be working at the u of i library.
sense the sarcasm?
i hate change, i hate starting new. i hate libraries!!!
yeah well what can i do. i'm broke, i need money. i've been depending on my parents money for most of the year. thats not cool.
but besides that, nothing is going on. i'm busy, finals are next week. i'm stressed, i'm suffering from insomnia, i want to get out of here and it's just making time go slower.
but this weekend brian and justin are coming. YAY! last weekend of freedom, last weekend i won't have to quietly creep into the house drunk at 5 am. that's gonna suck.
so this has gotta be fun.

2 Twirls|Spin Around Me Like a Dream

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